B. From my personal journal dated 4-8-2016, Friday:
1. In prayer this morning, I felt that the hardest part of me accepting that I am Raphael, was my blindness to love over the past 40 years of marriage, from 1975 to 2015. During this period I hadn't 'gotten it' with respect to love and relationships very well. My wife is the best example I could have had for how to love. . . I really was blinded, somehow, not intentionally on my part at all, but I was
not aware somehow of how to express love, to be tender and gentle in every way.
2. My mind and heart had a 'thick skin' over them somehow for some 40 years. I am so glad it is being eroded away, broken up and now removed. It is only by the grace of God that I am who I am today: much more loving, sensitive and aware.
Why did I have then a 40-year diversion in mortality? (Plus my life up to age 24 when I was married?) It is akin to 40 years wandering in the wilderness by the children of Israel.
3. My answers to the above question about why a 40-year diversion: